50+ English Funny sms,New jokes sms collection in English
Funny sms for girlfriend,Love funny sms,English Funny SMS Facebook,Funny SMS English
English Funny sms
I was furious when I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the restaurant. But I immediately calmed down because I was with my wife!.
She dimmed the lights. She leaned in. She looked straight into my eyes. I kissed her. And now I am arrested by the police for misbehaving with the optician!
Come fast, your wife is suddenly squinting her eyes, her lips are in a weird shape and her head is in a terrible angle. I think she's having a stroke.
Me: No, she's just taking a selfie..!
Today my ex texted me, `My life is not the same without you`.
I was all excited and before I responded to her, I received another text from her `It's far better`!.
My gym instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising. I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.
My ex-girlfriend was very clever. Once in an emergency, I called her from my friend's phone to tell her "I lost my phone". She answered first "Hi baby". I think she just knew it was me!.
I asked Alexa why does my wife always says that I'm stupid. She immediately called me stupid and told me that her name was Siri and not Alexa!.
Photos & screenshots that I've saved on my phone are a lot like my relationship with my ex. It made total sense at the time when I saved it. But now I don't understand why I did it and I feel so stupid!.
You must be someone from the future. Because I see my future with you. I'm glad to meet you at the present because we'll have a lot of time to know each other!.
Today as I walked into my house from work, I noticed that the floor is clean, clothes are folded, dishes are done, lunch is ready and above all the kids are studying. I asked my wife what happened? She said, "Wi-Fi stopped working"!.
My kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 80s. So, I took their phone away and turned the internet off!.
A boyfriend sent a message to this random guy.
"Hey you, stop texting my girlfriend. Do you want some problems?"
The guy replied: What if I do?
The boyfriend: OK, you want it, then I'll give it to you.
Find the area of the region bounded by a parabola and the line y_1=2-x^2 and, y_2=-x.
The guy: Damn you man, I'll leave her alone, just calm down!.
The most important thing that I have learned after working for so many years is that if you really excel in your work, your boss will recognize your efforts by giving you more work.
When you're wrong and you surrender, you're an honest man.
When you're in doubt and you surrender, you're a wise man.
When you're right and you surrender, you're a married man.
Water is the solution to everything..!
Thirsty? Drink water.
Dry skin? Drink water.
Get rid of your enemies? Drown them!.
I helped my neighbour out with something today and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!.
If by Yoga you mean stretching from my bed in an awkward way to plug in my phone charger, then yes, I do Yoga every day.
Your parents told you to go to bed early when you were young not because you were tired because they were tired of you!.
Funny sms for girlfriend
My girlfriend and I are having some communication issues recently.
Whenever I try to call her, her husband picks up the phone!.
Whoever decided that a liquor store is more important than a barber shop is definitely bald-headed and alcoholic!.
If practice makes perfect, how come waking up in the morning never gets any easier!.
I need to social distance myself from my refrigerator. So I can flatten my curve!.
Me: Alexa, what's the weather for this week?
Alexa: Don't worry about it, you are not going anywhere!.
If you are finding it difficult to spend time with yourself, imagine what your friends and colleagues go through everyday!.
Worst thing about work from home is family members will get to know how little you work!.
Just received a notice from the Psychiatric Association: Dear citizens, During the quarantine time, it is considered normal to talk to your plants and pots. Kindly contact us only if they reply!.
The real Bigg Boss Season begins now.
This time its family members locked up with each other!.
#Coronavirus #Covid_19.
Do not be surprised if you find the taste of Shawarma or Kebab change. This is normal and temporary because restaurant workers have started washing their hands these days!.
Me: Thanks boss for allowing me to work from home.
Boss (coming out of bedroom): Hey, you have to work from your home, not mine!.
#Coronavirus #Covid_19.
Please wear a mask at home too. Especially when you are all alone.
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It will stop you from eating more!.
Paranoia reaching extreme levels!. I sneezed in front of my laptop and the antivirus immediately started.
#Covid_19 #Coronavirus.
#Covid_19 #Coronavirus.
You should use hand sanitizer which contains alcohol to kill the virus. Therefore, you should keep your whole body topped up with alcohol to stay completely safe. Don't take any risks and stay drunk until further notice!.
Love funny sms
I miss the days when you sneezed and people would say a polite "Bless you", now they say "Get the f**k away from me!".
I never thought our death would also be: Made in China!.
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covid_19 #Coronavirus.
Can someone please update me about Corona?
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I haven't received a message in last 3 minutes and I am worried am I the only one left alive!.
#Covid_19 #Coronavirus.
If you are experiencing the following symptoms:
1. Headache
2. Bodyache
3. Poor eyesight
4. Difficulty in breathing
5. High temperature
6. Always out of mind
7. Difficulty in sleeping
8. Most of the time in shock
9. Easily gets mad & can't communicate properly
10. Feeling dizzy.
This is not Coronavirus. These are symptoms of Married Life.
So deal with it!.
When I can't fall asleep, I like to grab a good book and hit myself over the head with it.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the Vodka.
There was such a long queue to buy Fastag. Finally, decided to buy Royalstag, instead. Hic hic hurray! Don't drink and drive. Just drink.!
It seems my lady doctor has a crush on me and she really likes my fashion sense. She told me that I have serious healthy shoes!.
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